Creative Facebook and Twitter status messages

1. is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years
2. .. used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she’s good at everything.
3. .. says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
4. .. is in bed with your Girlfriend !
5. I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
6. If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
7. Studying for my AIDS test hope i dont fail.
8. .. understands that hard work pays off in future but Laziness pays off now !
9. .. thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest…
10. is wondering if less means more, then think how much more, would more be?
11. is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
12. is .ʇı ʎuǝp oʇ ʎɹʇ ʇ,uop .ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ʎɐʍɐ puıɯ ɹnoʎ buıʍo1q
13. thinks that happiness is a failure to understand how bad things really are.
14. I’m on the “Starts tomorrow” diet.
15. recommends screwing the ceiling fan in before switching it on!
16. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped
17. Is Wondering…. If Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?
18. found out that if you search google in google, the internet would shut down….
19. Watch your wedding video backwards, you will love the bit where u take off the ring get out of the Church and f*** off with friends
20. Insert coin to view my status message.
21. iTunes just suffered a major melt down.  I now have noTunes now
22. thinks "Recession" is when your neighbor loses his job. "Depression" is when you lose yours. And "Recovery" is when Obama loses his
23. working for the weekend, like everybody !
24. is posting on Twitter that he is updating his Facebook status update.
25. says the only constant is change, except from a vending machine.