creative facebook status updates

• Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect..

• is Loading ████████████ 99% 

• Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.

• Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

• says if u need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service) lo

• --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak    

Don't call me crazy..funny and crazzy status updates for facebook

Don't call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"


life is like mario bro's, ya have to slay a lot of dragons before ya meet ya princess


OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!


is wondering how long she must stand on the front lawn with no clothes on, waiting for Google Earth to come and take her picture?


asks why when i scream in a Library, everyone just looks at me, but if i scream on a plane, everyone joins in!!?


My world was Upside down . . . ------------------------- ˙˙˙dn ǝpısuʍop sʇı ʍou ʇnq


will not let people drive me crazy because I know it's in walking distance.      

A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman- funny status facebook

 






is not sure where da stank come from!
 
A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.

is if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!
 
says The chinese have a serious translation problem. For instance, a translator would have been a good idea when they put "poo poo platters" on their menus....

says Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??
 
says looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.

is Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
 
is Let me just take care of all of this reposting I have to do at once? My life is wonderful, I hate cancer, I donated to Haiti, I support our troops, I love my Mom,I`m from Everett,Hugs and smiles to to you,I won`t join your farmville, I won`t be answering

clever and funny Facebook statuses!-daily updated=2

 ....is is workin' hard all week to put beer on the table.



....is is supporting Tiger Wood's habits by buying the last of his discontinued Gatorade.



....is I don't understand why people are so against eating meat. If God didn't want us eating meat, he would have given cows the ability to use machine guns and nunchucks



....is How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.



....is Wanna know why New York city never gets hurricanes? Simple, the hurricane starts coming up the coast, sees new york and says "Hmm, I must have hit this one already. Oh well, movin on!"



....is Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.



....is If Bono ,Julia Roberts and the rest of those billionare bozos care so much then why not sell one of your mansions or private jets and give it to charity. But those elitists gotta beg the hard-working Americans to give what we don't have, now get off my tv



....is My fine is $1,456,762.00... What's yours?



....is is in a Gala....isy far far away /:~}


....is if Osama Bin Laden played Call of Duty, he would be the best camper.



....is - Ladies, the word of the day is, "Legs". Now, let's go back to my place and spread the word.



....is it good or bad that I'm going through a midlife crisis at 16?


....is was very offended by your comments and wants to hurt you



....is says if I had two brains, I still wouldn't think twice!

funny and silly facebook status updates which makes u laugh

is hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "u r next" They stopped that when I did the same to them after funnerals

My alarm clock & I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake & it’s broken. Not sure who won the fight

is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark

is out of order until further notice. We apologize for the inconvenience

is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight i got your back

thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"

whats on my mind- facebook funny status updates collection

wishes facebook could read his mind so he didn't have to fill this out every time he thinks.

Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud

Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that

says a clean house is the sign of a broken computer

thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.   

advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN 

grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? funny facebook status update

dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)

feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes

is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? 

is wondering.... if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away

(̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Kills but thrills    

funny facebook status updates real - daily updated

Im juz having a fcked up life....!!!

 

so my astronomy teacher just referenced world of warcraft in todays lecture lololololol

 

I HAVE NOO NUMBERS IN MY PHONE PLEASEE LEAVE UR NUMBERRS..

 

there are only 3 things in life a girl needs:1-love to make her weak 2-alcohol to make her strong 3-best friends when both make her hit the floor :)

 

is standing on the front lawn with his pants down waiting for the Google Earth Car to drive by and take a photo ;-)

 

 

 

 

 

some funny real facebook status updates

dance in the rain n ignore the pain ♥

is feeling sick again! damn! its probably the female species that's making me this sick..

oh my god... ppl stop hitting me with those dam pillows la... i m not even feeling anything..

Damn it..! Exam starts tomorrow....! ;)

Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in man's....True huh??????

not really liking my new campus... trying too get use too it... at least they didn't block facebook... at the front office room :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

haha funny facebook status updates daily updated

# says if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
# the wheels of the bus go round and round.  And it's making me sick.
# stepped on an itsy bitsy spider.  Now I need to clean my shoes.
# wonders if Goldie Locks subsequently got mauled from those bears.
# and Jill went the hill to fetch a bottle of Evian water, but feels it was over priced and out of reach of the common man.
# was arrested for the London Bridge falling down, due to shoddy design.

# is done looking through the looking glass.  Now to look through the beer glass!
# is prepared to turn and devour on zombie brains.
# is reminded of a simpler time: the 80's.
# is traveling on a cloud of light through space and time.
# worbles when he should really warble.

Star war funny facebook status updates

# is busy with Jedi business, go back to your drinks.
# says size matters not.  Judge me by my size, do you?
# may not look like much, but has got it where it counts, kid!
# is almost there...just a couple of seconds.
# says there's an awful lot of moisture in here.
# just wants you to take her.  I mean it.  Take her!
# is going in, and is going in full throttle!
# says I don't think the Empire in mind when they designed her.
# say at last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi!
# says good job.  Don't get cocky.
# says I am your father.
# says that's no moon.
# is caught in a tractor beam.  It's pulling us in.

clever and funny Facebook statuses!-daily updated

# is tired of being treading on.  It's just going in circles and I'm wheelie tired of it.
# is out for a run.  Which is really just exhausting oneself in a futile attempt to get back where on started.
# wonders why so many poeple don't spel check their updates.
# is like fine art.  Old and no one understands me.  :)
# is doing a photo shoot to tribute Marilyn too.  Move over Lindsay!
# was once in love with work.  However, we've filed for a trial separation.
# wonders why people waste their time posting updates on Facebook...ohhh fudge!

make fun of your friends

funny facebook status updates - daily updated

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

funny facebook status updates

clever and funny Facebook statuses!

..... train of thought has derailed

..... says, Shaloha!

..... mono isn’t getting better…it could turn into stereo.

..... says, Space heaters make great house-warming gifts!

..... is: flossing with angel hair pasta.

..... has zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.

..... wonders, chai tea vs. tai chi?

..... wants you to know, there’s a great juggler on the radio tonight!

..... is amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes.

..... has a marvelous rack of spam recipe

..... is: wondering, what does cheese say when you take its picture?

..... is: on a crusade for Moorish dignity.

..... is: reading ASAP’s Fables.