haha funny facebook status updates daily updated

# says if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
# the wheels of the bus go round and round.  And it's making me sick.
# stepped on an itsy bitsy spider.  Now I need to clean my shoes.
# wonders if Goldie Locks subsequently got mauled from those bears.
# and Jill went the hill to fetch a bottle of Evian water, but feels it was over priced and out of reach of the common man.
# was arrested for the London Bridge falling down, due to shoddy design.

# is done looking through the looking glass.  Now to look through the beer glass!
# is prepared to turn and devour on zombie brains.
# is reminded of a simpler time: the 80's.
# is traveling on a cloud of light through space and time.
# worbles when he should really warble.

Funny Tiger Woods Facebook Status Updates

1. would like to remind Tiger that he who drives well on the fairway... does NOT fair well in the driveway!
2. wonders how many women, would a Tiger Woods woody if a Tiger Woods would woody women? He would woody as many women could he until Woody gets hit by a 3 woody.
3. needs you to do him a huge favor. Can you please, uh, take my name off your facebook list?
4. had a tough day, where, on his second ho, he drove through a water hazard and into the trees...
5. thinks it's times like these where he asks himself... What would Tiger do?
6. is wondering if she is the only one who hasn't had sex with Tiger.
7. isn't sure what a "transgression" is, but dang, I want to get me some of that!
8. can't believe Tiger's response as to why he had "transgressions"...  "They're Grrrreat!"
9. is shocked that Nike is changing their slogan after Tiger's "transgressions" to "Just Do Me!"
10. heard that Tiger is giving up golf, and becoming an actor... His 1st movie: "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Transgressions"
11. thinks the beauty of this viral campaign will become apparent when one of Tiger's mistresses appears in Playboy with a Nike tattoo on her butt.
12. read that "Tiger is ready to quit golf to save his marriage" - I'm no therapist but I am pretty sure quitting other women would be even more effective.