A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman- funny status facebook

 






is not sure where da stank come from!
 
A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.

is if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!
 
says The chinese have a serious translation problem. For instance, a translator would have been a good idea when they put "poo poo platters" on their menus....

says Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??
 
says looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.

is Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
 
is Let me just take care of all of this reposting I have to do at once? My life is wonderful, I hate cancer, I donated to Haiti, I support our troops, I love my Mom,I`m from Everett,Hugs and smiles to to you,I won`t join your farmville, I won`t be answering

When a man talks dirty 2 a women funny facebook status messages

....... is We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..


....... says When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!


....... is it possible to be in two places at twice?


....... feels sorry for guys who's girlfriends call them The Boy. Hanging out with The Boy Tonight. Obviously he's not the man.


....... says I am getting more sensitive the older I get. I realized this today as I sat on a park bench throwing bread crumbs to the old people.


....... says If I need directions, I’m not asking a man with one tooth. I’m asking a man with one leg. Because he definitely knows the easiest way to get there..


....... says Most dentist's chairs go up and down. The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual' . And the dentist said to me, Sir, please get out of the filing cabinet.


....... says I read somewhere that when you get married, you should marry your best friend. Talk about awkward, he was already married.


....... wants to know that if God didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make Cows so slow? Have you ever eaten a Cheetah burger? Nope, and you never will.... !!!!


....... says What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin...


....... says Bin Laden is probably blending in, the best way he can, driving a taxicab.


....... is Awaiting anxiously for Obamas "loss off the union" speech wednesday


....... is I got new deodorant yesterday... The instructions said remove top and push up bottom... My bum really hurts but everytime I fart the room smells awesome


....... I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and i'll let you know.


....... I wouldn't mind public transportation if it wasn't for the public.


....... is wondering, if chickens don't have fingers, how come they sell them in resturants??


....... wants to know how we manage to raise millions to help people in a country none of us have ever been to, but can't help our own poor and homeless.


....... i wasnt born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel


....... is To all of you who keep calling me Fat, Just Piss off, Iv got Enough on my Plate..

clever and funny facebook status

whats on my mind- facebook funny status updates collection

wishes facebook could read his mind so he didn't have to fill this out every time he thinks.

Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud

Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that

says a clean house is the sign of a broken computer

thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.   

advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN 

funny and silly facebook status collections - put these and make others smile

 
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.


is Loading ████████████ 99%


if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF


┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction


Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?  

funny facebook status updates real - daily updated

Im juz having a fcked up life....!!!

 

so my astronomy teacher just referenced world of warcraft in todays lecture lololololol

 

I HAVE NOO NUMBERS IN MY PHONE PLEASEE LEAVE UR NUMBERRS..

 

there are only 3 things in life a girl needs:1-love to make her weak 2-alcohol to make her strong 3-best friends when both make her hit the floor :)

 

is standing on the front lawn with his pants down waiting for the Google Earth Car to drive by and take a photo ;-)

 

 

 

 

 

some funny real facebook status updates

dance in the rain n ignore the pain ♥

is feeling sick again! damn! its probably the female species that's making me this sick..

oh my god... ppl stop hitting me with those dam pillows la... i m not even feeling anything..

Damn it..! Exam starts tomorrow....! ;)

Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in man's....True huh??????

not really liking my new campus... trying too get use too it... at least they didn't block facebook... at the front office room :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

haha funny facebook status updates daily updated

# says if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
# the wheels of the bus go round and round.  And it's making me sick.
# stepped on an itsy bitsy spider.  Now I need to clean my shoes.
# wonders if Goldie Locks subsequently got mauled from those bears.
# and Jill went the hill to fetch a bottle of Evian water, but feels it was over priced and out of reach of the common man.
# was arrested for the London Bridge falling down, due to shoddy design.

# is done looking through the looking glass.  Now to look through the beer glass!
# is prepared to turn and devour on zombie brains.
# is reminded of a simpler time: the 80's.
# is traveling on a cloud of light through space and time.
# worbles when he should really warble.

funny facebook status updates - daily updated

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

funny facebook status updates

funny facebook status updates - daily updated

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

funny facebook status updates from funny quotes

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.