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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Don't call me crazy..funny and crazzy status updates for facebook

Don't call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"


life is like mario bro's, ya have to slay a lot of dragons before ya meet ya princess


OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!


is wondering how long she must stand on the front lawn with no clothes on, waiting for Google Earth to come and take her picture?


asks why when i scream in a Library, everyone just looks at me, but if i scream on a plane, everyone joins in!!?


My world was Upside down . . . ------------------------- ˙˙˙dn ǝpısuʍop sʇı ʍou ʇnq


will not let people drive me crazy because I know it's in walking distance.      






A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman- funny status facebook


 







is not sure where da stank come from!
 

A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.

is if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!
 

says The chinese have a serious translation problem. For instance, a translator would have been a good idea when they put "poo poo platters" on their menus....

says Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??
 

says looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.

is Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
 

is Let me just take care of all of this reposting I have to do at once? My life is wonderful, I hate cancer, I donated to Haiti, I support our troops, I love my Mom,I`m from Everett,Hugs and smiles to to you,I won`t join your farmville, I won`t be answering


I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. funny facebook status updates


What a night...can't remember a thing...why is there waffle house syrup in the bed..the lingerie hanging from the chandelier is hot! but, umm, where are the girls? were there....any...girls here last night????
 

is reading this sign outside my office: "In case of fire, don't use elevators." Duh! Water works a lot better!

says Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend

is wondering when a Jehovah Witness dies and gets to Heaven if God hides behind the Pearly Gate and pretends he's not in?

says Nothing in life is free.... Someone always pays!

can't understand you.... I don't speak fluent bullsh!t

If 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea,does that one person enjoy it?

says the guy who said women are bad at maths, missed out that they also divide the number of people that the slept with by 3!

says Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.







Wednesday, February 3, 2010

When a man talks dirty 2 a women funny facebook status messages



....... is We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..


....... says When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!


....... is it possible to be in two places at twice?


....... feels sorry for guys who's girlfriends call them The Boy. Hanging out with The Boy Tonight. Obviously he's not the man.


....... says I am getting more sensitive the older I get. I realized this today as I sat on a park bench throwing bread crumbs to the old people.


....... says If I need directions, I’m not asking a man with one tooth. I’m asking a man with one leg. Because he definitely knows the easiest way to get there..


....... says Most dentist's chairs go up and down. The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual' . And the dentist said to me, Sir, please get out of the filing cabinet.


....... says I read somewhere that when you get married, you should marry your best friend. Talk about awkward, he was already married.


....... wants to know that if God didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make Cows so slow? Have you ever eaten a Cheetah burger? Nope, and you never will.... !!!!


....... says What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin...


....... says Bin Laden is probably blending in, the best way he can, driving a taxicab.


....... is Awaiting anxiously for Obamas "loss off the union" speech wednesday


....... is I got new deodorant yesterday... The instructions said remove top and push up bottom... My bum really hurts but everytime I fart the room smells awesome


....... I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and i'll let you know.


....... I wouldn't mind public transportation if it wasn't for the public.


....... is wondering, if chickens don't have fingers, how come they sell them in resturants??


....... wants to know how we manage to raise millions to help people in a country none of us have ever been to, but can't help our own poor and homeless.


....... i wasnt born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel


....... is To all of you who keep calling me Fat, Just Piss off, Iv got Enough on my Plate..

clever and funny facebook status

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