clever and funny Facebook statuses!-daily updated=2

 ....is is workin' hard all week to put beer on the table.



....is is supporting Tiger Wood's habits by buying the last of his discontinued Gatorade.



....is I don't understand why people are so against eating meat. If God didn't want us eating meat, he would have given cows the ability to use machine guns and nunchucks



....is How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.



....is Wanna know why New York city never gets hurricanes? Simple, the hurricane starts coming up the coast, sees new york and says "Hmm, I must have hit this one already. Oh well, movin on!"



....is Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.



....is If Bono ,Julia Roberts and the rest of those billionare bozos care so much then why not sell one of your mansions or private jets and give it to charity. But those elitists gotta beg the hard-working Americans to give what we don't have, now get off my tv



....is My fine is $1,456,762.00... What's yours?



....is is in a Gala....isy far far away /:~}


....is if Osama Bin Laden played Call of Duty, he would be the best camper.



....is - Ladies, the word of the day is, "Legs". Now, let's go back to my place and spread the word.



....is it good or bad that I'm going through a midlife crisis at 16?


....is was very offended by your comments and wants to hurt you



....is says if I had two brains, I still wouldn't think twice!

funny and silly facebook status updates which makes u laugh

is hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "u r next" They stopped that when I did the same to them after funnerals

My alarm clock & I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake & it’s broken. Not sure who won the fight

is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark

is out of order until further notice. We apologize for the inconvenience

is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight i got your back

thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"

funny facebook updates for update lovers

was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers !

☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆

is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while..

~ The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

battery low please charge! 1% █ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅]

asks "If you choke a Smurf, what color does he turn?"

has had amnesia for as long as he can remember

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

i Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status. !!!

believes that the word 'studying' was derived from the words 'students dying'.....

whats on my mind- facebook funny status updates collection

wishes facebook could read his mind so he didn't have to fill this out every time he thinks.

Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud

Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that

says a clean house is the sign of a broken computer

thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.   

advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN 

grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? funny facebook status update

dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)

feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes

is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? 

is wondering.... if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away

(̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Kills but thrills    

funny and silly facebook status collections - put these and make others smile

 
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.


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if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF


┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction


Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?